


Kimochi Warui

by trashadel



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Animal King Turret, Anxiety Attacks, Betrayal, Black Mesa Stole The Borealis, Body Horror, Caroline Adopted Chell, Cave Needs A Break From Work, Childhood Trauma, Cores Were Humans Once, Doug Has Schizophrenia, Fact Core’s Name Is Craig, Gen, Heavy Angst, However The Disorders Are Written Correctly, Human Experimentation, I Have A Whole Playlist Based On This Fic, I am so sorry, Introspection, Major Depression, Medication, Mental Breakdown, Mind Rape, No One Is Okay, Not for the faint of heart, Old Aperture, PTSD, Platonic friendships, Please Don't Kill Me, Psychological Horror, Regrets, Schizophrenia, See you later, Slight Allusions To Blue Sky, Slightly Inspired By Evangelion (Mainly Asuka), Soda Helps You See Faster, Space Core’s Name Is Kevin But He Usually Goes By Dipper, The Author Did Research On Disorders, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author is Sleep Deprived, The Cake Is A Lie, Wheatley And Doug Rattmann Are Friends, Wheatley Deals With Nausea, Wheatley Has Neurosis And PTSD, Wheatley Is A Moron, Wheatley Is Aware Of The G-Man, absent father, come on kids, dead mother - Freeform, exploding lemons, for science, implied caveline, implied suicide, lyrical inspiration
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:22:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26635804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashadel/pseuds/trashadel
Summary: “To be dominated by me is not as bad for human pride as to be dominated by others of your species.”“Liar.”
Kudos: 9





	Kimochi Warui

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. Welcome to this fanfic. This is a project I have originally created on Amino, but due to the general age of the audience of the community most likely to read this fanfic, I have decided to move the project to A03.
> 
> This fanfic is based on a mix of emotions I have felt by listening to the songs “Electric Bird” by Sia and “Kimochi Warui” by Car Seat Headrest. Neon Genesis Evangelion was also an inspiration for this fanfic, as you will see later on. I’ve managed to slip in a few allusions to “Portal: Lab Rat” by Valve, and “Blue Sky” by Wafflestories. Those stories belong to their authors, respectively.
> 
> Do keep in mind that throughout this fanfic, especially near the middle and the end, that this is a thriller fanfic that may even stand on the edge of a horror fanfic. That said, there will be science fiction horror, body horror, and heavy psychological horror.
> 
> There will also be exploration of mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia. And there will be some mature topics mentioned in this fanfic, such as mild substance abuse, implied strangling, and an implied suicide. If you are sensitive to any of these themes, I suggest you find a different fanfic to read.
> 
> For those of you brave readers who stayed, feel free to read this fanfic. I’ll try to update it every two weeks, or if push comes to shove, whenever I can. Alright? Happy reading.

Aperture Science Innovators - 1978

  
  
There was no rest at Aperture Science. Everybody and everything had a place, a job, an empty slot to fill. Wheatley was no exception. He had just been promoted to yet another job two days ago, as he had been just a nobody in the computer IT field before the promotion. He was elated when he found out about the new job. Everybody said this new job could actually work for him. But Wheatley didn’t get it. Why, of all people, did everyone see him as a candidate for something new and different that they claimed would work for him if he couldn’t do anything right in the first place?  
  
When he first applied for Aperture two years ago, Wheatley was surprised at the fact that the second most successful science company known to America even agreed to accept somebody as disorderly as him. Throughout his life, Wheatley was only seen by others as nothing but an incompetent simpleton. An idiot whose head was filled to the brim with silly dreams and unobtainable goals. No one would even think of believing Wheatley would ever accomplish anything significant. But for some reason, Cave Johnson admired that in the man, right from the start. Wheatley remembered asking Johnson why he wanted him to work at Aperture if he knew he was a prick. The other man replied with a sentence that Wheatley kept in the back of his mind ever since the day he started his new job.

“Science isn’t about why. It’s about why not.”

At first, Wheatley was put in a cubicle in the main IT field office to write out blueprints for testing rooms. Some people claimed that Wheatley was “a true idea generator, whether it be for better or worse.” Wheatley himself thought it was for the worst. He would keep messing up the blueprints of not only the testing rooms, but other people’s testing rooms when he helped then or gave advice to them. Whenever he made even a simple suggestion to make the test rooms more challenging, Wheatley always messed things up, one way or another.

  
The only person who would ever talk to Wheatley during the IT field workdays was his coworker, Craig Trivett, a sourpuss who was proclaimed the “know-it-all” of useless facts. And oh, did he have a lot of trivia up his sleeve. Craig would inform Wheatley of facts about random topics such as the periodic table, Shakespeare, wars in history, or cooking recipes, all of which weren’t that interesting to the latter. But even if Craig was slightly stuck up and filled with seemingly useless information, he was a hard worker with a slightly high IQ that Wheatley was admittedly slightly jealous of.  
  
But that was now in the past. Wheatley still kept in touch with Craig and continued to acknowledge him as an acquaintance, even if the other man didn’t even think anything of him. And yet, even though Wheatley wished to keep in touch with Craig, it was time to move on to something new. This was going to be a new chapter in Wheatley’s career at Aperture, if not a new chapter for the company itself. It was 1978, and the decade was almost over. It was time for a new change in science. It was time for Wheatley to try to prove he wasn’t stupid - that he could finally make a difference.

  
———

Until he was asked upon to report to wherever they wanted him to start his new promotion job at, Wheatley remained at his personal cubicle of the IT field office. The surface of the stack of papers on his left side were growing dusty, and the ivory coffee cup that stood beside the computer was starting to make what would most likely become a coffee stain. An well-loved, orange sock puppet in the shape of what was once a cat stared at Wheatley with its black, emotionless, beady eyes. Unfortunately, Wheatley’s computer was beginning to lag. Because of the lag, the man didn’t notice that he had accidentally clicked the redo button for an entire wall of panels in a blueprint of a testing room. “This is just brilliant. Wonderful. Absolutely splendid,” Wheatley grumbled before he turned around in his chair to face Craig, who was busy with whatever he was working on. “Oh. Hello, mate! How are you doing so far with your progress today?” he asked Craig, who paid no attention to him whatsoever. Neither the less, Wheatley continued to talk. “I’m not really having the best time with this assignment I have here, if I do say so myself. Not that I can’t fix it in the future, of course. You know, there’s always room for improvement. Even if I keep making all these disasters you all associate me with - and I don’t know why - I refuse to give up. Ever.”  
  
“As if I didn’t already know that you never give up,” Craig told him without looking up from his work. “Your stubbornness has gotten you into trouble almost as much as your witless ideas. Now please, stop talking to me and turn around so neither of us get yelled at! You know for a fact that you get in bad situations that you know aren’t worth your time, so don’t drag me into it, because I don’t have the time either!” His eyes darted in Wheatley’s direction for a brief moment before he looked back at his computer to focus intently on his work.

With a melodramatic sigh, Wheatley turned around and drank some of his cold, now tasteless coffee. He was a bit of a coffee addict. Whether he remembered to take his antidepressants or not depended on if he had time to even make coffee because he had to work early. Wheatley and some other employees and test subjects basically lived in Aperture Science, although he lived in an Extended Relaxation Unit because he didn’t have enough money to afford a house. Here, everyone was so busy bustling about that their daily lives practically revolved around Aperture’s clock. At least coffee helped Wheatley work, right? Even if he had to take his medicine with it?

Wheatley hated pills. The small, pale tablets reminded him all too well of back then. Back then, a thousand lifetimes ago.  
  
———

A few very lengthy hours later, an announcer suddenly interrupted the IT workers. “All IT field blueprint creators that have been recently been promoted within the last two weeks, please report to the Central AI Chamber of the Enrichment Center, thank you,” she said. The announcer was none other than Caroline, the CEO of Aperture and the personal assistant of Cave Johnson himself. Wheatley didn’t really know that much about her aside the fact that she worked for the boss and had known him even before Aperture, nor did he really pay her much attention. But he knew she cared about the test subjects and employees, and that she could bake anything without it coming out almost inedible. “This is it! This is my big chance to prove myself. Hopefully we can still talk to each other,” Wheatley told Craig as he stood up and logged off of his computer. He struggled to grab some papers, a pen, his little sock puppet, and his coffee mug simultaneously, but miraculously, he found a way to juggle all of his belongings. “It was a pleasure working with you, mate. See you around!” “The pleasure was mine. See you some other time. Now go,” Craig said to him in a dismissive manner, although he did turn around to wave goodbye. With a small smile, Wheatley pivoted on his heel and sauntered away with a couple of other scientists, dropping a couple of loose papers along the way.

Aperture Science was prodigious. Wheatley remembered his first week in the facility - he would always have to stop and ask someone for directions to get everywhere, even somewhere as simple as the restrooms. In time, he learned the ropes around Aperture. He was fully accustomed to his daily route of walking to and fro, blending in with all the other members of the staff like a busy ant in an ant colony. Wheatley didn’t know the majority of the Enrichment Center very well, though. And he definitely didn’t know the area known as the Central AI Chamber. Aftet assuming that the other scientists knew where the room was, Wheatley trailed behind the others, his heart racing as he experienced an unfamiliar emotion between the lines of anxiety and joy.

——

It took them a few minutes to find the Central AI Chamber, but finally, Wheatley and the other scientists arrived at their destination. They huddled together in a loose, oval-shaped crowd. Cave Johnson, the founder of Aperture, was waiting inside the chamber with a small smile. Wheatley noticed the president of Aperture standing right in front of him, and thus, he straightened his back and gave a small wave that the boss paid no attention to. He noticed Johnson’s receding forehead exhibited the set of stress marks on the top of his face, and there were circles under his eyes. Neither the less, Johnson stood confidently at the middle of the room, his steel-blue eyes piercing into Wheatley’s soul. It was admittedly quite intimidating. 

“Hello. Cave Johnson here,” Johnson announced in his proud, booming voice. One could pinpoint his voice out from a hundred other voices, and one would fall for and go through with anything he said. “I have selected the lot of you for a very important reason. Each and every one of you are equal in my eyes, so don’t think you’re all that special. Just kidding. You guys are great. And that’s why you’re all here. Anyways, before I get too sentimental, I’m gonna go ahead and tell you why you’re all here today, alright?” “Our adversaries over at that joke of a station known as Black Mesa are creating some sort of gun call the Zero Point Energy Field Manipulator. From what I’ve heard, it’s a gravity-based device that is used mainly for heavy lifting duty, but can also be used as a weapon in times of crisis.” Cave cleared his throat all of a sudden, prior to pacing back and forth with his hands behind his back. “Here at Aperture,” he continued, “I want you to help us create something even better than what they made. Does anyone know about the Aperture Science Portable Quantum Tunneling Device?”

Wheatley’s heart skipped a beat. He had heard about the multiple disasters that the Portable Quantum Tunneling Device. Many Test Subjects have disappeared or even died while using them to get around. That was why the US Government kept on questioning Aperture about the “missing astronauts”. But before Wheatley could ponder even more about the invention, Cave spoke again, snapping him out of his train of thought. “I’m giving you the opportunity to wipe the slate clean and make a brand-new version of the teleporting device,” the boss said. “One that is safe, efficient, easier to carry, and will most definitely blow Black Mesa out of the water. I know all of you can generate the best ideas. I know all of you can do it.” Johnson stood still and gazed upon the huddle of scientists, particularly at Wheatley. “All you gotta do is suck up your courage and use your brain.”

“Use my brain? That’s what I’ve been trying to work on, but I just can’t,” Wheatley muttered before he listened to Cave’s next set of instructions. The boss blinked before announcing to them, “Tomorrow, I will assign you a partner that you will partner with so you can make something awesome together. Hopefully. I mean we as humans don’t tend to trust each other, for some reason. We’re just so good at destroying everything we see, aren’t we?” He clapped his hands together and smiled prior to finally wrapping up the conversation. “Alright. My speech is over. Don’t touch anything. The bell will call all of you down for lunch soon. Okay, that’s enough. We’re done here.” Then he turned around and left, causing the cluster of scientists to converse amongst themselves about the project. Wheatley frowned. During his time at Aperture, almost nobody wanted to stick around in his presence, let alone work with him. In fact, Craig from the IT lab probably only tolerated Wheatley this entire time, according to what his body language showed. Craig was the closest Wheatley would ever have to a friend. Right?  
Nobody seemed to really even need him sometimes.

Thus, Wheatley felt very small and alone in the middle of the busy world he existed in.  
  
“I don’t know how I can do this,” Wheatley whispered to himself, looking down at his empty palms, all calloused from working. “I-I just can’t see myself confusing my future lab partner with all my horrible ideas! What if I mix up an entire landslide of bad things to test and we accidentally put them to use? Stuff like that usually happens. I don’t want anyone to get in trouble. I don’t want myself to get in trouble either. What will I do?!” He turned away to mindlessly gaze at some blinking monitors and computers as if they would provide him an answer. They didn’t do anything beside provide Wheatley some company with their warm, glowing screens and small, digital beeps.  
  
When he first arrived at Aperture, the first thing anyone referred to him with was the title of “moron”. Wheatley hated being called a moron. He had been correlated with that insult for as long as he could remember. And everybody was right to call him that. He was good at being completely idiotic, anyways. He had no logical reasoning whatsoever, and his impulsive nature would control him as if he were a mere puppet to the crazed hub that was his own mind. But thankfully, Wheatley had a chance to prove he wasn’t anything other than stupid. He finally had a chance to prove he could be something better. He would be the one to advance science.


End file.
